Why I don't write a relationship advice blog or column:

1.) Sometimes I live like a single person...sometimes like a single man. I'm neither.

2.) I loathe labeling relationships. Some women and men seek status and approval from society through relationship status, while I avoid it.

3.) Most of my advice involving misogynist or chauvanistic males would probably involve a punch in the throat.

4.) No one has ever asked me. Duh.

5.) The only people who should give advice are couples who have been together for 25 years and still like each other.

Candy makers, florists, and greeting card companies should be held accountable for making single people miserable. #OccupyValentinesDay #igotjokes #fb

Joke of the Week (courtesy of A. Downie, a respectable music industry professional):

Q. What is the difference between a Italian hooker and and Italian sea captain?

A. A hooker will go down on a ship.

"Local seamen aghast at Italian captain’s actions in cruise-ship disaster"
http://www.pressherald.com/news/i-was-blown-away_2012-01-18.html

Ha-ha... Too soon?

*My dreams have been too complicated and vivid (and personally embarrassing) to simply describe in my dream journal. Expect certain details in future poems and short stories, with names changed to protect the guilty. (Me.)

I'm keeping this dream journal entry short and sweet.

Last night I dreamed I was a video gamer wanted by the government and a shady game design mogul, forced to hide out in a teen rehab clinic. In my awake or real life, I still play classic arcade games... Think Atari and Commodore 64 more than Nintendo 64. (Yeah, I'm that old school.)

Wow, these allergy and pain meds are trippy when it comes to dreams. I've been battling a chronic internal infection as well as cedar fever. I can't wait till the end of February. No more juniper/cedar pollen in the air! I'll just miss the more vivid than usual weird dreams that sometime serve as inspiration for short stories and poems.

Goodnight. Hope I dream about that hot mystery man and his cat, "Vomit Face", again. (Yes, I named the cat in my dream. The calico-like markings on his face reminded me of vomit, and the man whose face I can't remember seemed to like it.)

This is what I wrote about the dream I had last night, on my Facebook music page (Mirror City Envoy):

"Last night, I had a dream: I was crushing on/dating a musician (who resembles no one familiar), someone I usually don't converse with, and he introduced me to his cats. One of them was a weird but cute looking calico kitty I immediately named "Vomit Face". I immediately stopped paying attention to the musician to play with the cat. A quite enjoyable dream... I'm writing a song about this dream cat. Inspiration comes from the most unlikely, surreal places."

@djwomanfrommars: "Heaven In Stereo" - Shilpa Ray & Her Happy Hookers. I'm definitely in lust. #Facebook page: http://on.fb.me/SRHHfb #femmerepetoire

I started with an Austin music weirdo, now I'm moving to a San Francisco weirdo: Dominique Leone–"Nous Tombons Dans Elle". C'est tout bon et bizarre.

@djwomanfrommars: Pay no attention the hipster pretending to be a weird young man. Slugbug's "Living In A Dome" is the new paisley. #RadioCasbahPilot

@womanfrommars: "Like this workday, this song seems like it will never end: "Friday" - Rebecca Black..." (Thanks, @sherial! lol)

@womanfrommars: "Yo, life is a fucking miracle, dawg. My sister's son looks just like her baby's daddy. Whoa!"